This quarantine is messing with my head. My past few posts have been about self-care, and I have been implementing some of the positive habits into my life, but every day isn’t a perfect day of self-care. Some days, I do feel inadequate, especially during this time where I am home 24-7 with the job of mom, wife, housekeeper, chef, and teacher. There are days where I am ok with doing nothing, then there are days where I am mad at myself for doing nothing. Some days I am excited to spend the extra time with the kids, and some days I want to hide from them.
I started out with a positive attitude about the quarantine. I created a routine with exercise, reading, homeschool, house projects, baking, etc. However, things have taken a turn. I have become complacent, and I am just trying to get through each day, but I have also put this mental pressure on myself that I can’t waste the quarantine, so it is this constant battle in my mind about how to approach the remaining days of isolation.
Some moments I think that I have to make the most of it because I will never have this time again where it is ok to just be home. I feel like I have to redecorate and reorganize my house, be the best parent, and basically reinvent myself before this is all over. I look at some of the social media posts, and think that I am not Keeping Up with the Quarantine.
And, what if I don’t make the most of it? What if when the quarantine ends, my house is still the same, I still suck at DIY projects and my kids didn’t gain a whole lot from being home with me for two months? What if I just binge-watched a bunch of TV, kept the house decent, and did a few mediocre crafts with the kids? Oh my gosh, maybe I am wasting the quarantine.
Does that just mean that I’m a lazy person who can’t accomplish goals even when I have nothing but time? Or am I in this weird stagnant place that my emotional stress is zapping me of my energy?
By far, my biggest challenge is finding my purpose during this time other than cooking and cleaning for the family. Honestly, I’ve been pretty unmotivated and tired, but I have noticed the little things help in a big way. I have been going on walks with my daughter and it has been great for our relationship. But, I feel guilty that I haven’t spent the contributing to helping in everything that goes with Coronavirus. I don’t even know how to help other than to stay home and reach out to people I love.
When I start to beat myself up about how I could be doing this better, I reflect on what I have done right, and it seems to take the pressure off of me a little bit. I don’t know if I will ever think, “Man, I was the best at quarantining!” But, I did the best I could in challenging time. I am learning to give myself more grace, and it makes a positive mental shift in my attitude. Think about all of the ways you are doing things right. I’m sure you are doing your best too!